Crap Karma

I have been wanting to write this post for a while.

I'll start with some background on my dad. Billy has an incredibly sensitive gag reflex. Swallowing pills, the sound of a baby pooping, the smell of baby poop, the smell of his own poop, the smell of garbage, the sight of a dirty diaper, watching someone vomit, the smell of vomit, the sound of someone vomiting, someone's nasty fart, his own nasty farts, the garbage bin on a hot summer day, the compost pile, all of these things induce dry heaving in my father. This reaction is 100% psychological. And to this day, even after having four children, he maintains that he has never changed a poopy diaper. My mother also adds that he didn't change any diapers of any kind, pee or poop.

Everyone knows that babies poop in the bath. It's like a right of passage for parenthood. They get all warm and cozy in the water and their little sphincters relax and WHAMMO! They let it rip. Even toddlers do it, traumatizing their older siblings with floating kernels of corn.

So one evening when my parents came to visit at Thanksgiving my mom and I were hanging out in the kitchen making hot pepper jelly. We thought it would be nice if Granddad bathed Jack before bed. Total hilarity ensued when, sure enough, for the first time ever, Jack lets a hot and steamy go in the bathwater.

Laughing, we stumbled into the bathroom to find my father kneeled over next to the tub, unable to even look at the now brown tub water or Jack's content grin. Blindly, one hand remained on Jack's chest, as if to prevent him from drowning in the two inches of sewer water. The fear of abandonment overriding his ingrained fight or flight response. In between retching he was cursing us for our undisguised joy.

After letting him have a breather, we cleaned out the tub, put fresh water in and set my father back at the task of Jack's bath, thinking it was no big deal. And I shit you not, no less than a minute later we rush back to the sound of my father's cries, "He did it again!". This happened a total of THREE times. Talk about Crap Karma. By the third time we didn't believe him, tears streaming down our faces from elation as my father threw up his hands in defeat.

Take that Billy.

Nine Months Out

Yesterday felt like a special milestone, the 22nd was Jack's 9 month birthday. And I guess the 9 month mark brought up lots pregnancy feelings. I loved being pregnant, loved it so much. I think knowing that it was going to be my only experience made me savour all the little moments. I was blessed with an easy pregnancy and even the heartburn, constipation, separated ab muscles, pelvic girdle pain, and limited sex positions didn't thwart my joy. I loved his little kicks, his twists and turns, and his hiccups. And looking back, I love knowing that he spent those 9 months in utero growing and turning me into a mother.

Doodle Grabbing!

Such a boy thing. Every single time the diaper comes off his little fingers zoom down and grab his knob. Feet up, grin on his face, like he has made the discovery of a lifetime. He doesn't even care if it's covered in crap. Sometimes I cringe when he gives it a yank. I swear he pulls it so hard he must think it's one of those cannons that will shoot out prizes like t-shirts and confetti. One day son. One day.

Baby-Lead Weaning

I am really thankful that my friend Liz introduced me to Baby-Lead Weaning. While I was pregnant I watched her hand chunks of banana to her 7 month old, Elliette. I immediately expected Elliette to choke, I had this ingrained assumption that non-pureed food was dangerous for babies. But she just picked up the banana pieces with her little fingers, gummed/chewed them, and swallowed them- no problem at all.

As Jack neared the six month mark I was dreading starting solids. I put it off for as long as possible. He already had six teeth and a definite interest in food but I was hesitant. I knew that I wanted to make him homemade baby food and that part seemed fun and idyllic; but going from the incomparable ease of breastfeeding to the rules and inconvenience of solids seemed incredibly annoying.

So I borrowed the BLW book from Liz and dove right in. There are some things that immediately clicked with me. If they have the dexterity it makes perfect sense to let the kid feed themselves, especially if they are strong-willed! And I like the theory that you are letting them explore the food and experience the different tastes and textures, not just pushing mush into their mouths all the time. Even handing them a pre-filled spoon gives them some aspect of control.

The book doesn't exactly crap rainbows. It's extremely repetitive; because it's essentially a simple theory that they could have summed it up in a much shorter format, they beat it like a dead horse. Also it is unnecessarily militant. Yes, maybe pure BLW works for you, but most parents that I have talked to find themselves a middle ground.

Jack loves gnawing on big pieces of meat, and broccoli florets are his favourite food. We try our best to give him a variety of healthy hand-held foods. The things that he can't grab I puree and put into refillable squeezy packs that he sucks on. For example the other day I blitzed some wilted spinach, steamed peas, and sweet potato with some breastmilk. Another mix that he likes is pureed lentils, kale, peas, and blueberries. And tonight he had some stew whirled with avocado. Although BLW doesn't recommend it, I am not opposed to spoon feeding, Jack likes to reach out and bring the spoon to his mouth. 

Full disclosure. There was a lot of gagging when we started, with both pureed and handheld foods. And even some chuck-ups. I think there was a short phase where he would vomit at every meal, and unfazed, go back to eating whatever he was chewing on. It was a learning process for both of us as we discovered that rough surfaces like bread crusts would scratch his throat and trigger a gag.

In the end I am glad I didn't obsessively follow any set of rules. No mashed avocado for three days, no proteins before vegetables, no "fortified" rice cereal, no organic free-range grass-fed chicken livers. We just feed him a less salty version of what we are having, and I am relieved I didn't let this fun milestone become a stressful chore.

Das Body Yaaa

I knew going into it that having a baby would wreck havoc on my body. No matter what physical exercise I was able to maintain; I knew that bringing a life form into this world would cause damage that would cost thousands of dollars in plastic surgery to repair. I was expecting the stretch marks, the saggy boobs (albeit massive monster tits for a blurry week or two), the rapid hair loss (or as Cord called it- leprosy of the head), the fuzz forehead that follows, and the excess weight postpartum.

What I was not expecting was changes to my skeletal system. Yes, it makes sense that the ribcage has to expand to make room for the organs and baby in the chest cavity. And the pelvis bones have to shift for the tiny human to come out, but in my mind I just imagined that they magically spring back to where they were before. Yeah. No.

After reaching a peak bra size of 40 (underbust), it was only around the 8 month mark post birth that my ribs finally adjusted back to their pre-baby size 36. And it probably took a solid 4 or 5 months for my hips to squeeze back into my pre-pregnancy jeans. Not to mention the fact that during labour I had deep joint pain between contractions as my body had the psychotic urge to pop my hips out of their sockets.

I read lots of pregnancy and birthing books and thought I was prepared for it all but sometimes your body does some weird and whacky things. And really it was another excuse to wear lululemon's for several months.

Fourth Trimester Survival Gear

This is a list of things that I came up with my “Must Haves/Survival Gear”. The things that got us through those superfuntimes first 90 days. And I know that there is lots of info on the internet and everyone has an opinion and it kinda comes down to what you want and how you wanna do things and sometimes you just wanna figure it out on your own. So take it all with a grain of salt. (Except swaddling, you are crazy if you don't swaddle).

1. Breastfeeding pillow. - I have the jolly jumper boomerang, the key being the boomerang shape and the thickness is good for us ladies with long torso’s (go for a thinner one if you’ve got a shorter torso). Lovelovelove it. So many uses: dinner table, desk, baby sitter. Another nice and thick one is the nook niche, but it is slightly more expensive.

2. Swaddle. - This actually might even be our number one thing, we used them so much we wore through the velcro on several of them. Have a couple extra incase they shit or puke on one (and they will), you have a backup. And swaddle them super tight. Babies are houdini’s, they will wiggle themselves out of it so we would swaddle Jack ridiculously tight. Sometimes even double swaddle. My fav brand is Summer/SwaddleMe with velcro. 

3. Bouncy chair. - Almost every baby loves the rocking motion of the bouncy chair, Jack would even sleep in his for most of his naps before we started sleep training him. We borrowed ours from a friend and ended up with two, one that lays flatter and one that sits up higher. If I was to buy one I would go for a Baby Bjorn, it has adjustable settings for sitting up high and lying flat. They are a bit pricey but are worth it.

4. Snacks. - Must have for breastfeeding and especially during the night. Preferably hand-held. Muffins and cookies are great because you use a lot of calories breast-feeding. I made several batches of fibery morning glory muffins and froze them and Cord would heat them up for me when I was nursing. Also have a water bottle by your nursing station or several, as soon as baby latches it sucks plasma from your blood into your bewbies and your mouth instantly gets parched.

5. Nursing bra/tanks - I lived in these for the first couple of weeks. Post-partum body is so lumpy and swollen and you sweat and get milk and barf all over you, it’s nice to be in something comfy and easy access for nursing. I got a bunch from thyme, motherhood, and from walmart. A cozy housecoat is also nice.

6. Nipple cream - I liked the Medela Tender Care, the Lanisnoh is thicker which can be nice sometimes (both are lanolin based). I would also put coconut oil on before every single feed and the Medela cream on post. I was deathly afraid of cracked and bleeding nips.

Pourquoi?

I started this side blog while I was pregnant and I don't really know why. You do some odd things while contemplating the responsibility of bringing a living thing into this rapidly declining environment. And the few posts I did write were slightly off topic for my faux food blog. After having Jack just thinking of the word "mommy-blog" made me throw up in my mouth a little bit, so it's taken me a while to come to terms with this thing that I don't really need to do but still seem to like doing anyways.

Consider yourself warned.

There is enough of the crystal-gripping, gypsy bead-wearing, orgasmic birthing crowd on the internet already, I promise I won't add myself to that column. Currently keeping one child alive doesn't make me an expert, or anything even close. If anything, becoming a mother has humbled me and enlightened me with the knowledge that I know a whole lot less than I thought I did.

and so it begins...

I figured it was time to start mommy-blogging after I ate a half-eaten soggy piece of toast off the floor. Apologies in advance.