Jarvie Jams: Traveling With Infants

Don't do it.

No seriously, sit down and have a little chat with yourself.

Vacations will never be the same avec les infants. It's simply the truth. It's not that they won't be as good, they will just be different. I'm sure it gets better as they get older, but with babies you're not doing anything cool any time soon. No more waking up and drinking last night's melted margarita from the nightstand. No more falling asleep topless in your cabana. No more spelunking in Belize. No more staying in a sketchy hostel in Hanoi and sharing a room with a stanky dread-head named Rain. No more Vegas. And no more footloose and fancy free. That's just how it is, it takes a lot more planning and a bit more luggage.

Travel Honeymoon Period
Before six months is good time to travel, before three months is even better. They sleep all the time, they sleep on you, they're small, and you don't need a lot of gear.

Transit Time
If possible keep it a direct flight. The 38 hours of travel time to get to Bora Bora will end in you wanting to murder your spouse on the glass bottom floor of your over-the-water bungalow. Breaking up the travel is a good way to avoid burnout. Stay overnight in a stopover city, have a nice meal at a restaurant in the city instead of shite airport food, and get a solid night's sleep. Anytime more than one solid nap is missed, meltdowns should be expected. And avoid really shitty airports like LAX where you might find yourself stuck in a terminal that's only food options are tuna fish sandwiches and coffee from a vending machine.

Upgrade
If your flight is 10+ hours I highly recommend splurging on the premium economy seats if possible. At the very least try to book really far in advance so that you can get the bassinet seats. Some airlines don't have bassinets for certain flights so be wary.

Equalization
Babies can't exactly pop their ears or chew on a piece of gum to equalize. So it's best to nurse or give them a bottle on the ascent and descent. The timing can be a bit tricky with boarding and taxiing so if babe is already fed or sleeping give them a soother. If they won't take a soother, shove your finger in their mouth to suck on.

Giving No Fucks
#1. There are always gonna be crying babies on a flight, maybe it's just your turn. (I am guessing the flights to Vegas are a bit quieter).
#2. You are never going to see those people ever again.
#3. Drugs.

Rent
Some cities have baby gear rental companies, even items like bouncy chairs and highchairs that they will deliver to your hotel. And some car rental companies have really inexpensive car seat options, saving you from schlepping your car seat through the airport and waiting for it at the oversized luggage claim. Also FYI: if you stay at a hotel and request a crib they will usually just send a pack-and-play to your room unless you specifically request a crib.

Travel Gear/ Pack Light
If you do have to bring a car seat, don't bring your good one. Borrow a travel one from a friend or buy a cheap one off Craigslist. Baggage handlers kick that shit around like Solange in an elevator and it gets all dinged up. Same goes with your stroller, don't lug your favourite giant one to the gate (I learned this the hard way), just use a small umbrella stroller. Some airlines will bag it for you at the gate, most won't.

Know Your Terrain
Also learned this the hard way. Got to Playa la Ropa in Zihuatanejo and discovered that not only was it too hilly to use a stroller but also the major thoroughfare in front of our house was under construction. If you choose, strollers can be sent in the checked luggage at no cost (and you should have a case for it) but carriers are much easier to travel with in general. If your destination is warm a forward facing carrier is a bit cooler than a rear facing.

Bring a Babysitter
Travel with another couple with kids so that you can trade off nights out on the town sans babies. Seriously, genius. Also apparently hotels have babysitter services that you can book in advance, also genius!

Lower Your Standards
Just take it easy. Give yourself lots of time at the airport and try not to sweat it. If needed you can always have a drink at the airport bar...

Jack at 6 weeks - a champ for his first flight: YVR > YXC.